How to contact me

me (this actual twoletter word) at [firstname][lastname] dot com

So my e-mail address is said twoletter word at my domain name. Sorry for the inconvenience, take it out on the spamlords.

I don't want to come across too anally retentive, but there's e-mail and there's e-mail. Here's some thoughts on sending me mail, meant to pre-empt much of the stuff I don't like to deal with:

• My website is very much "write-only". I write it, you read it, and there it ends. I am not obliged to "go in discussion" with you just because I happen to have a website. To put it bluntly: I don't owe anybody a thing. Keep that in mind when you mail me, please.

• To nuance that a bit: I welcome corrections and additional info, but I'm not a philantropic organization. I won't do your homework for you, and if you want to get lots of work out of me, you better have an interesting issue.

• To nuance that even more: I'm not a mail hermit, and I'm safe to send mail to, and I'll even respond politely, but just try to pass my basic idiot filter. Good examples of idiocy are trivial questions you could look up on Google or eBay in half a minute.

• If you have an English-sounding name (unlike most of my friends, who are Dutch), and your mail subject is something like "Hi!" or "Nice site" or "I have something incredible for you", chances are that your mail will be junked for looking like spam. Please include a relevant, non-generic subject that doesn't sound spammy.

• If you need/want something from me, at least be nice, use proper grammar, and don't lick my boot before coming to the business part. It's so obvious and demeaning. Don't assume I need a five-line mollification, because it has the exact opposite effect on me. Cut to the chase and be nice, as is the Dutch custom.

• Keep your mail short and sweet. I have this bad habit of never coming round to the longer ones.

• Last but not least: don't feel too intimidated by this list. If you're still reading, chances are you're not an idiot.